The LOVE of a Mother...

My heart is SOOO full today! I feel like I'm about to share my testimony ;) ! And I have felt all day that I need to write my thoughts down.. not necessarily for anyone but myself... However.. by writing it here.. I suppose it is for everyone as well. Yesterday we found out that some old friends (never old I suppose.. just some we haven't seen for a while) who have a daughter just younger that Hannah, lost her to a tragic drowning accident. I have been so emotional all last night and all day. I just cannot imagine the heartache, the devastation, and that longing to hold your sweet child in your arms. I have just been thinking about them non stop... just picturing myself in that situation.. I wonder what I would do? How I would cope.. and wonder how you find it in yourself to keep going. But you do.. and they are... and it seems that they are doing an AMAZING job at that. Its made me think a lot today.. and re-evaluate my life. I honestly feel like I "OVER-KILL" the "I love you's" with my kids.. and I was thinking.. do they really understand how much I love them? Do they have ANY idea how much they truly mean to me? I HATE watching Dr. Phil.. but the other day I happened to be watching and he said, "There is never a moment in my children's lives that they don't understand the capacity in which we love them".. I probably shouldn't put that in quotes.. because I don't know that that is EXACTLY his wording ;).. but you get the point! I don't know that any child could ever understand that capacity.. until they are a parent themselves.. but I want to try my hardest for them to really know... and not have it be just something that I say to them 14,000,000 times a day. I want them to know how important they are to me. I want them to understand that no matter what happens, even if its 10 years down the road, that they are still the most important thing to me! I never want them to wonder for one second. I cannot imagine life without them... HOWEVER.. how lucky are we to have the knowledge we do.. that if something does happen.. we will see them again. I didn't set any "resolutions" this year.. because they don't do a thing for me.. I just made a deal with myself to work harder on the goals that I have already set. One of them I have tried/wanted to do.. but fail.. more often then not.. is to make more time to really spend quality time teaching my children more about the gospel. In my patriarchal blessing, one of the things that it talks about a lot is that I must teach my children to love the Savior. I have been thinking today.. what if something were to happen to me, or one of my kids. Have I taught them all that I can... at least as much as their little minds can comprehend at this age? Its probably really not that much.. especially for Brady at this age.. but am I doing my best? Near the end of December I made a promise to myself that we would START (yes.. START.. I'm ashamed ;) ) to have Family Home Evening .. EVERY WEEK! We would make sure to have family prayer.. EVERY NIGHT! My sweet Hannah.. that girl gets something in her stubborn little head.. and SHE WILL MAKE SURE IT HAPPENS!! We have pretty much had family home evening.. EVERY NIGHT.. she gets the scriptures out.. makes sure someone is going to say the prayer.. I just LOVE IT! We can't even put a fruit snack in our mouths during the day without her asking if we need to say a prayer! I LOVE IT! These little spirits that we are so blessed to raise are so smart! They know what is important.. and it is up to US to teach them.. and allow them to teach us! How amazing is it that we are blessed to have them in our homes.. and in our lives!
I serve in the Primary Presidency, and for Christmas the President gave me a book.. one of Greg Olsen's books. Its the one "If the Savior Stood Beside Me". Hannah makes sure we read this book every night. She asks about each picture, and at the end we sing the song,
" If the Savior stood beside me, would I do the things I do? Would I think of his commandments and try harder to be true? Would I follow his example, would I live more righteously? If I could see the Savior standing nigh, watching over me." Such a great song... and the other verses are just as great.. but one thing at a time.. right?
Now that I have my "thought's of the day" written down.. I suppose I should get something else done. I can not believe how overwhelming today has been and probably will continue to be. But it definetly has made me think about my sweet kids and how much I love them and want them to learn and grow and understand how much I love them.