Happy Birthday Sweet Boy!!!

Its hard to believe that my baby is 1 today! I was fine until i just sat down to make this post.. and now.. i'm a little emotional! I can't help but think about the emotions going thru my head a year ago.. and dang it seems like it was forever ago.. but at the same time.. it was just yesterday. I haven't really posted anything about our experience trying to get our sweet boy here.. so I probably should.. for my sake.. and the sake of our "blog book". This might be A LOT harder than I thought it would be.. its just a good thing that anyone reading this can't actually see me as I type. So a year and a half or so before Brady was born.. Hannah was.. oh I will have to look it up.. but about 8 months old I got pregnant and it was a bit of a surprise. Things were well.. I wasn't sick.. really had no severe signs of pregnancy. We were EXTREMELY overwhelmed but after the shock sang in.. we were excited. I was about about 10 weeks along and we had gone to Las Vegas for a family vacation with Jesse's family and were going to Lake Mead. Just before we left Jesse's grandma's house in Vegas to go to the lake I noticed that I had the tiniest ever tiny bit of spotting... so little that it probably wouldn't alarm you any other time in your life.. but being pregnant.. and having the normal mom's fear of something happening.. it sort of alarmed me. I told my mother in law about it.. but there really wasn't anything we could do. I was so sick about it the whole trip. Nothing ever happened again on the trip to make me wonder again.. but I was still worried. I called my Dr. the second we got home.. still no other signs. Since there were still no other signs the nurse assured me that everything was probably fine but she ordered some blood tests to see what my HCG levels were. I went in and had the tests done and they were off the chart high. I went home still feeling uneasy. The next day the dr. office called me and told me to go do one more test because the level's should have doubled from the previous day's numbers. I went back in and they for sure did. The next day or so I called back in.. kind of being a pest.. or an "overparanoid" mother as they probably thought I was .. and I asked if I could just get a heart beat. They told me to come in and get an ultrasound. I ran in quickly into the doctor's office.. and I was alone. I went into the ultrasound room and the ultrasound tech prepared to do the ultrasound. As she put the thing on my stomach I could immediatly see the big black spot where the baby would be. She kept moving the thing around and she did a little.. "hmmm". .. I kept watching for the little peanut... no peanut.. never found a little peanut. I was completely baffled.. as was she. She sat up and said NOTHING other than, "i'll go get your dr." and she handed me a box of tissues. I sat there in complete shock. Where was my baby? My dr. came in and looked at the ultrasound. She determined that I was indeed pregnant.. which we already knew I was.. but for some reason the baby had died .. weeks before.. but my body never realized it.. my body had absorbed the baby but never really clued into the fact that I wasn't pregnant anymore. What a HAUNTING feeling. I was devistated. Words couldn't even describe how I felt. I left the office in shock and called Jesse. I told him what happened.. and then I went home and bawled for hours. We decided to schedule a D&C which is the surgery to remove everything. The Dr. didn't know how long it would take my body to do it on its own.. and I decided that was the best way. Although it was not a fun thing.. the surgery went fine.. as well as recovery. The couple weeks that followed I just had an aching heart. I longed for the baby that I thought I was going to have. A month and a half or 2 later.. after getting the OK from my dr. we decided to try again. I was immediatly pregnant. This time is was SUPER SUPER sick. The dr. told me that this was most likley a GREAT sign. At 12 weeks I went in for a routine ultrasound. Jesse was having a HORRIBLY busy day at work and was unable to come with me this time either so I had Racquel come with me. The ultrasound tech came into do the ultrasound. As she conducted the ultrasound there was the same empty black hole.. the same emptiness in my heart.. and the same unanswered question. WHY?! I was so in shock that I couldn't speak. I know that Racquel wasn't sure what to say or do. I managed to keep it together long enough for the ultrasound tech to leave the room and for the nurse to call us into a regular exam room.. and I fell apart. What in the world was wrong with me? I was still so sick... had every pregnancy symptom in the book plus some. I was mortified. I went home.. called Jesse.. he came right home.. and I bawled. We ended up doing the same D&C procedure again. During this time they did a few other blood tests to see if they could pinpoint what was going on. They concluded that I have a disorder called "Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome".. say that 3 times fast. To make a long story short.. for some reason my body develops blood clots in the placenta and umblicial cord.. blocking all support to the baby... therefore the baby dies. What a hauting thing... and why didn't we have any problems with Hannah. After a few more months and several meetings with my dr. about treatment plans.. we decided to give it a go again. I was immediatly pregnant again.. and HORRIFIED!!!!! I had been taking some progesterone before I was even pregnant.. to help sustain the pregnancy if I were to get pregnant. They were doing daily blood tests to check if I was pregnant. It turns out that I was.. and we found out when I was really only like 2.5 weeks pregnant. I called my mom and bawled for an hour because I was soooooo scared. The excitement wasn't even there because I was so scared. I immediatly met with the dr and we started the treatment plan which included of a heavy dose of progesterone.. yuck.. and shots given by myself.. twice a day in my stomach.. for the whole duration of the pregnancy. I went in for my first ultrasound at 5 weeks... and there was my little peanut.. I went in every 2 weeks after that for about 2 months.. and each week my little peanut was there. I did blood tests every few weeks.. and the blood count was higher and higher each time. Although I could see that little tiny heart beat each time.. I was still scared out of my mind. We didn't tell anyone I was even pregnant until I was like 15 weeks. ... and at that it was only family. Most of my friends, co-workers and clients found out when it was so obvious. We found out it was a little boy at the normal 20 weeks.. and oooohhh were we excited. I just knew it was a boy. We were thrilled! I continued to have routine ultrasounds every few weeks throughout the duration of the pregnancy.. everything was always great! Near the end and about 28 weeksI had stress tests twice a week at the hospital.. followed by ultrasounds. The risk of blood clots greatly increased as my due date came closer. They watched me so close and I am forever greatful for the great care that my tiny boy and I received. The due date came closer and just my luck he was breech. I had pretty much been in labor for a whole week but because he was breech.. nothing was really moving. We scheduled a C-section on August 25th and at 8:27 am my little peanut was officially in my arms. He had some breathing issues for a minute and they admitted him to the NICU. It is standard protocol that once they are in the NICU and on an antibiodic drip they have to stay in there for 48 hours regardless.. to finish the antibiodic. He had oxygen on and it made his little face so swollen that it was so hard to see what he looked like. But he was the sweetest little thing ever. He never opened his eyes until that night when I was in the NICU with him. It was the middle of the night and I just held him and rocked him.. I told him that I loved him and that I was so glad that he had finally made it to me and he opened his eyes. It was the most touching moment. How blessed we are to be able to have these sweet spirits in our lives. Heavenly Father trusts us so much to watch over his little ones.

Brady is such a sweet little boy. He is so silly and fun.. and has the BEST personality. He Loves his sister so much. It is so fun to see the bond between them that I KNOW goes WAY farther back then their short time here on earth. He is definetly a momma's boy.. which I LOVE! He is so darn nice and just has the sweetest little countenance. I am so blessed to have such sweet kids!
We love you Brady!